Poetry Found Me

When I was a little boy. I’d be lost for hours.

Whether it be in a room full of other girls and boys or at home waiting for everyone to pass out. Just so I could let loose the colour left of my heart. Where no one and I mean no one could see it. Who would want to.

It doesn’t smile, don’t think it ever did. Not back then. The fear in me was always there because of being ridiculed for everything I did or try to do. I fucked up a lot.

You could compare me to a small tiny bulb. The ones on a string of Christmas lights. Except I was the one burned out. Everyone hated me because I shut off the entire line. The constant swearing trying to find the fucked up one. Hiding in the dark, afraid to be replaced and tossed away. Hanging on. For what?

Cereal every other day, grilled cheese sandwiches, sometimes without the cheese. I had to use my imagination my mother said. She said that a lot. She’d say things like, go play in your room and use your imagination. That’s where I found me.

I would be sailing the seas as a pirate captain. A patch over an eye and a parrot on my shoulder leaving crumbs on my black velvet coat. A beard as long as an arm. Braided to resemble a whip. “Man The Cannons” I would bellow with an ar’d ar’ matey. Pass the rum before the battle starts…as a pirate, I would steal their rum.

Sometimes monsters would visit on nights, when the silence grows weary. I could hear footsteps stomping the floor and the creak of a moving door. The air would get so cold, goosebumps would scream, my hair would rise with a tingle at the sight of a shadow. Whose face constantly changes, of those in my life. Mother, father, teacher, the bully next door and his sister the whore.

There was a girl. Isn’t there always a girl? She was pretty and she made me feel funny.

Poetry found me.

If she were here now, what would I say?

Sweet angel eyes
You were always kind to me
A smile received
One never given
I’m sorry for that
I wanted to smile, at you
But I was scared, of you
I didn’t have the courage, you see
I couldn’t bare the thought of you laughing at me
I’m sorry for that
The loss was mine and mine alone
I dream of you every night
A haunting of the past, constantly passes
The regretting of the years wasted
I’m sorry for that
When I think of you as that girl
Happy and smiling in a perfect world
I picture you now as a woman
With the same bright eyes and loved
I’m not sorry for that
It’s the not knowing, never knowing
Are you?
Could I?
If I only tired, to be happy too
I’m sorry for that


(shush!) This was completely written high. still am. forgive errors and run offs that dont make sense. like this dumbass message.
hugs to all, πŸ™βž°β€οΈ

7 thoughts on “Poetry Found Me

  1. I really love this spontanreous combustion Antony. Im not high but will much to your regret reveal that as a child all alone I sang the saddest songs to my dog . Oh the good old days! Shhhh, you’re the only one who knows this ❀

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